Thursday, December 9, 2010
Hunters Wanted. Do You Have What It Takes?
The outdoors is looking for a few good men and women. Specifically, the outdoors is looking for a few good men and women to fill the position of Hunter. This is a high-level, demanding position that requires a certain kind of person with specific qualities. In order to assist you in determining if you have what it takes to fill this position, we have summarized some of the primary qualities a hunter needs to have. Before applying, please read over the following list and it should help you determine if you have the right stuff.
Necessary Characteristics of A Hunter
1. Impeccable Fashion Sense
The hunter must be able to dress in the appropriate camo for the situation at hand. Mixing camo is a definite no-no. Wearing Realtree AP with Mossy Oak Infinity is not the proper attire for the hunter. If you go to work wearing one black sock and one blue sock, you may not have the necessary fashion sense.
2. Animal Identification
The hunter must be able to instantly identify target animals. This is not as easy as it sounds. For example, can you tell the difference between a deer and a squirrel? They both have fur and they both live in the woods. Not so easy, huh?
3. Promoting the Job
While not a requirement, owning a truck is a big plus for the hunter. All of those decals look much better plastered all over the back window of a truck than they do on a car. Not only that, but you can put many more decals on a truck. Once the back window is full, you still have the tailgate and rear bumper.
4. Impeccable Hygiene
Your hygiene routine in preparation for a big date may leave something to be desired, but when preparing for a hunt, you must pay strict attention to personal hygiene. Are you prepared to shower with scent-free shampoo, wash with scent-free soap, brush with scent-free toothpaste, use scent-free deodorant, chew scent-free gum, use scent-free lip gloss, wash clothes in scent-free detergent, store clothes in scent-free bags, dress at the site, spray your clothes with scent killing spray, spray your equipment with scent killing spray, and then do it again when you get to the stand?
5. Tolerate Long Hours
The hunter must be able to endure long, grueling hours in the stand - perhaps as many as 2-3 hours at a time. While this may seem near impossible, it is generally acceptable to take breaks for certain things - to pee, eat, take a drink, stretch, smoke, check email, update Facebook status, tweet, check sports scores, make a call, pee again, etc.
6. Ninja-like Skills
It is imperative that the hunter have the ability to sleep in the stand without dropping anything that might spook game. Snoring is permitted if it sounds like a grunt call. The hunter must be able to continue listening to his or her surroundings while asleep and be able to wake with the reflexes of a cat.
The hunter must have the ability to put as many rounds down range as it takes to drop the target animal. Preferably, all rounds should be in the same general vicinity.
8. Judging Distance
While there are rangefinders for this purpose, being able to accurately judge distance by eye is a good skill to master. This will allow you to determine if you can get the job done with just 2 or 3 shots or if it's going to take every round you have (refer to marksmanship above). Plus, there's the added benefit of being able to accurately tell your buddies how far they're going to have to drag your animal.
9. Excellent Physical Condition
It is absolutely, positively mandatory that the hunter be in excellent physical condition. You have to be able to ride your ATV from the cabin door to the stand without running short of breath or having a heart attack.
10. Survival Skills
Wilderness survival skills are a must for the hunter. If you run out of Doritos, Slim Jims, jerky, and Mt. Dew, you must be able to fend for yourself until you can get back to camp on your ATV.
If you're afraid of the woods, the dark, being alone, getting lost, strange noises, bunny rabbits, insects, wind pigs, bulls, beavers, being eaten by bears, Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Yeti, werewolves, vampires, the HillBilly Beast, chupacabras, Goatman, gargoyles, brown-eyed monster things missing a tan leg, or having chickadees land on your head, this probably isn't for you. You must have nerves of steel.
12. Creative Thinking
The hunter must be able to think on his or her feet. If the hunt didn't go exactly as you planned, it is important when telling the story later that you can "fill in the gaps" and make it sound the way you wished it had turned out.
13. Continuing Education
The position of Hunter is an ongoing educational process. During the off-season, you must be able to devote hours, days, weeks, and even months to watching television shows and hunting videos. It is a necessary hardship in order to keep your skills sharp.
These are the basic, yet required characteristics of a Hunter applicant. If you think you posses these characteristics, you may just have what it takes to join the ranks.