Saturday, August 6, 2011

Thoughts From The Outhouse: Why Is It?

Why is it...
The length of time it takes for a deer to come by your stand is directly proportional to how cold it is?

That hot lure the fish have been hammering and you just lost on a snag, is the only one you have?

Your buddy who gets up late, smokes on stand, and violates most of the basic rules, manages to shoot a big buck?

When boat motors won't crank over, it's always at the ramp during launch and there's lots of people around?

The deer always show up at the spot where you last had your stand?

Our game mounts are prominently displayed for all to see, but the kids pictures are hanging in an unused room?

We can remember to get a new hunting/fishing license, but forget to renew our drivers license?

Why is it...
So much fun to blow on a deer or turkey call just to see how the dog or cat will react?

That big buck you got on your trail camera during pre-season is never seen again starting on opening day?

Our fishing lures are organized and labeled in storage boxes, but we can't find a screwdriver when we need it?

We talk about training and getting in shape for hunting season, but we look for the closest parking spot in front of WalMart?

When you're turkey or squirrel hunting, you see deer all day long?

The fish are always biting what the other guy is throwing?

We won't dare let our archery targets get wet, yet the mower and grill are being held together by rust?

Why is it...
We spend more time cleaning up and getting scent-free for a hunt than we do a date with our significant other?

You see more deer on the way to work than you do while hunting?

You can sit like a statue for hours without seeing anything, but the second you get up to pee, a deer snorts and runs off?

When someone misses a shot, it's always a "huge" buck and it gets bigger every time the story is told?

You can remember to pack your gun, but not the bullets?

We plan our hunting and fishing months in advance, but wait until the last minute to make anniversary celebration plans?

Our hunting knives are razor sharp, but the kitchen knives won't cut butter?

Why is it...
We put so much thought into which decals get priority placement on the back of the truck?

We rag on hunting and fishing TV show hosts, but secretly would love to have their job?

You will only make a bad cast when someone else is watching?

You can bust your butt and do everything right with no results and then the farmer down the road tells you about the monster buck he shot while cutting firewood?

When the boat won't start, the last thing we think to check is the kill switch?

You only get water in your waders when it's ice cold?

The gear you've lost is always in the last place you left it?

And last, but not least...

Why is it outhouses don't come with plungers?


TexWisGirl said...

oh, don't stop now! you're on a roll!

thanks for the laughs!

Nancy @ A Rural Journal said...

I thought maybe were you locked in the outhouse... good to see you, Brian.

I think they call these Murphy's Laws. I'm well acquainted with Murphy. :)

Dawn said...

Murphy! Most definitely!!!
Nancy hit it on the head:)
thanks for the good laugh(s) this evening!!

darlin said...

It's not Murphy, it's the trickster coyote playing with ya! lol This is hilarious, sorry to be laughing at your expense but you just put into words what most people only thing. Thanks for the late night chuckle. I hope that darn coyote leaves you alone long enough to get that big buck while chopping wood. :-)

Samantha said...

I never understand how my crazy, drunken, loud neighbors get these monster bucks. Every freakin' year.

FUNNY stuff..enjoying the blog!

heyBJK said...

I'm still around, Nancy. I wish I had more time to do this, but it won't pay my bills. :-)

Whether it's Murphy's Law or the coyote, it never seems to fail. And, yes, T, I could have gone on a bit longer, but didn't want to over do it.

If you figure it out, Samantha, let me know. I haven't been able to.

Joe said...

Boy are these ever so true :).

Dawn said...

re: comment...
DEFINITELY still need a cook!:)

Sall's Country Life said...

I think you've been spending a lot of time in the outhouse! Thanks for jotting down your thoughts while you were in there, I'm still chuckling!

Albert Quackenbush said...

I can't stop laughing and nodding at the same time. Great way to start the week off, Brian. Thanks for the laughs and it's good to see a post from you. Life does hit you fast and I know it's hard to keep up on here. Have a great week! ~Al

LB @ Bullets And Biscuits said...

Awesome! I've been nodding my head like Al as I read these...until I read the one about testing your calls out ont he cat and dog...then I spit Coke Zero everywhere from laughing. For some reason I thought it was only me that liked to mentally terrorize the dog by blowing calls at him, hahah. But now the dog just turns and walk away when I do it...think he may be telling me to kiss his butt?